Set Me Free

So.. I’m thinking that maybe, just maybe I should do a blog post.

Here is a little re-cap of the past few months..

My Grandma on my Dads side was diagnosed with Cancer a few months ago.  I don’t remember exactly when, but not too long ago.. maybe in May?  Anyways, her Cancer was caused by Acid Reflux.  Basically she didn’t take the proper medication (or maybe she did) and her esophogus was burned from the acid.  It mutated the cells in her throat and eventually developed into cancer.  From there it spread to her stomach.  They gave her 6-12months to live.

Close to the end of June she was scheduled for surgery to remove her esophogus and part of her stomach.  They told her that she would no longer be able to eat, and that there was a chance that she’d never talk again.  Once they opened her up, they realized that the cancer was much more advanced than they had anticipated.  They placed a metal tube in her esophogus because the cancer had started closing off her throat, then they closed her back up without removing anything.  They found that the cancer had spread to her lymph nodes and was rapidly spreading all over her body.  It was too late to do anything.  She was given 2-3 months to live, however only my aunt and uncle knew this, they hadn’t told anybody, including her yet.

At the end of June I went to visit her.  She looked pretty good for just having her torso opened up!  She had lost some weight, but overall her sense of humour was still there and she looked like normal.  We had a great time visiting her whenever she was up to it.  When I left, I promised her that I would come back and visit her after my vacation at the end of August.  This time I would bring Dan.

In the middle/end of July I got a call from my Dad saying they had admitted her to the hospital.  She had blood clots in her legs that they had to get rid of.  Then she was admitted again a while after because the blood-clot meds where making her throw up blood.  At this time things where looking more and more grim.  At that time her nurse had confirmed that she did only have 2-3months max.  So I had rushed down that weekend to see her.  (We also had our Family reunion planned for that weekend there, so everyone else was already down).  She was released from the hospital that friday.  We arrived Friday night, but she was already in bed for the night.  I woke up Saturday morning with my dad hovering over us, saying that he needed the car keys.  Grandma was sick and they needed to rush her to the hospital again.

Nobody really told us what was going on at the hospital, but we kept getting phone calls all day from the hospital.  Eventually more and more people kept leaving for the hospital.  Then we got a call that everyone, Grandchildren included had to pack up asap and head for the hospital.  Once there we all filed into her room.  We all knew it was to say Goodbye.  She still looked normal to me.  Just sleeping.  Except her hands looked bruised, like they stabbed her with her IV.  But I knew that wasn’t why they where purple.  She was cold.  I’m guessing it was lack of oxygen because her lungs where so cancer-ridden.  Or low circulation.  Either way it was eerie.  We stayed for a few hours, then headed back to my aunts acherage for the night.  My dad, and all of my aunts and uncles stayed behind.

She passed away on Sunday morning at approximately 9:30am with all of her Children around her.  Us grandchildren only knew this because soon after everyone came driving up to the house.  That only meant one thing.  There was no more reason for them to stay at the hospital.

You know, I have a strange family.  Or rather, my family has strange ways to deal with stress and sadness.  Ways that are familiar and sadly comforting to me.  Things that I’ve learned from them that make me who I am today.  The minute they all filed in, there was an eerie silence.  So I piped up, “does anyone want breakfast?”.  And so it began.  The house was busy with all 25+ people trying to get into the kitchen to help with breakfast.  I mean, they all acted like breakfast was serious business.  We needed food, and we needed it now.  Eventually some people wandered away to be alone, but the majority of us stayed around the kitchen to do anything.  Cut cheese, toast the bread, anything.  Then.. the baileys was passed around for the coffee.  Oy vey.  I was shocked at how comfortable I was with these coping mechanisms.  Food and Baileys.  I didn’t have any baileys mind you, and I limited my breakfast.  But goes to show where I get these coping mechanisms from.  Pretty much engrained into my genes!

As soon as breakfast was over, we started preparing for lunch, and discussing plans for supper.  The WHOLE entire day was compromised of food, or discussing food.  When to dig up the potatoes, when to start making the salads.  When to take out the meat.  It was insane.  There wasn’t a single moment in the day when the table didn’t have some sort of food on it.  I mean, my family loves to eat, but this was crazy.

Anyways, I now blame being fat on my family.  We love food.  And we’re all fat, go figure.  And we almost all have diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol.  Maybe now I can set an example.  I DO NOT have to be distined to have diabetes.  That’s the big one in my family.  I do not have to die as young as my Grandma.  She was only 66!

I’ve never been to a funeral before.  I don’t know how to describe them, but if I had to describe hers, I would say it was “beautiful”.  She was a beautiful woman, and her story was told beautifully.  Nearly 300 people showed up.  I don’t know if that’s a lot of people, but it sure felt like it.

Anyways, I don’t ever want to go through that again.  I’m so glad I’m taking charge with my life.  Lately it’s been hard, and I havn’t lost any weight in the past few months.  Infact I feel like crap, but I’ve also had a lot to deal with.  It’s a a bloody miracle that I havn’t gained all that weight back already.

Well bye for now, gotta get ready for work!